Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
