how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
