But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
