Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
