is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize