Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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