every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
