I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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