friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
