Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
