a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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