I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
