you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
