i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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