I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
