get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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