I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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