Kiss
Puke
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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