Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
