Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
