You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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