I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
