then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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