what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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