i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
