There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
