Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
