I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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