I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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