I want to stick my p in your. b.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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