i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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