Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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