So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
