If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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