I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
