I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
