just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
