Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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