Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
