you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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