ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
