He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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