He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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