when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
