Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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