I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
