ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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