im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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