it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
