Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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