Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't put those talents on a resume
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
