you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
