just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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