So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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