u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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