i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
