What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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