okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize