She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so let's talk penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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