I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
