Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How naked do you want me to be?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
