And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
