You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
