...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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