my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
