Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
