also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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