i permit you to call me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
